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I accidentally stole the car I had just gotten off work I was working two jobs at the time and I got Beryl any sleep I walked out and got into my car started it up and started driving home I didnt realize something was wrong until I couldnt find my old score and then I started realizing that there were things in the car that were not mine like the child seats in the back I was an eighteen year old with no kids I flipped a u-turn and bust ass back to work to hopefully get a car back before its own and notices its gone I didnt cops were there and I was very quickly arrested ona dropped charges only after three things were done one I showed my keys unlocked and started her car then pointed to my car which was the same model color and year two one of my co-workers vouched for the fact that the customer parked in the spot I almost always parked him three camera footage was pulled for the past nine days I had worked showing that seven of those days I parked in that spot and the other two I parked close to it a few weeks ago I was visiting Los Angeles Im from Spain but Im fluent in English I needed help finding directions to a certain address Im in downtown at this point on foot I asked a guy in the street if he knows where the addresses he responds with no hablo English which is I dont speak English in Spanish being from Spain I understood him and asked him again in Spanish then he says in crystal clear English dude I just dont want to talk to anyone leave me alone I live in a small rural town when I was seven my parents let my older sister and I ride our bikes about 3.5 miles into town to get lunch at the only restaurant in town which my moms cousin owns I didnt realize how long of a ride 3.5 miles wizard was hot and tired and crabby and burned my tongue on my burger so I threw a fit and refused to ride my bike home a stranger overheard my sister and I arguing about this and offered me a ride home he said he could just put my bike in the back of his truck and everything would be fine my sister agreed
because she didnt want to to call my parents to come pick us up and she was tired of my whining and also she was 10 years old and dumb I realized on the drive home that I hadnt given the man directions or told him my name but he somehow knew my name and where I lived he dropped me off at home helped me put my bike in the garage and then drove down the road to go visit my grandparents it turns out the man was my grandpas brother one of, 12 siblings he recognized me because I look just like my mom did at that age so when I was very young they released a large number of pedophiles from jail in one go in my town this led to my mother explaining to her vocabulary proficient three year old toddler what a pedophile was and that theyre bad people who want to hurt little kids well a couple weeks later I get lost in the mall my parents start frantically looking and hear me screaming Peter file at the top of my lungs they race over and its this little old lady who had tried to ask me if I was lost apparently she was mortified its been 24 years and its still brought up with family functions sixth grade I had hit a major growth spurt so most of my clothes didnt fit and my family couldnt afford new ones once winter came around the only jacket I had that I could still fit in even a bit was much too thin to be of any use my teacher noticed and I walked into class one morning to see a big fluffy winter coat on the back of my chair and a Chicken Soup for the Soul book on my desk her kindness still makes my eyes water even almost two decades later miss Robertson if youre reading this thank you I never forgot was walking to the mailbox late one morning because I was expecting something important the mailbox is roughly a half mile from my house and on the way I have to pass a bus stop I was moseying along when I see the bus pull up but I dont think much of it because its hot and Im tired and Im not getting on the bus Im just going to the mailbox well the bus waits and waits and waits the bus
is not leaving without me do I walk past the bus and ignore the situation do I thank the driver for waiting but explain Im just getting the mail none I get on the ducking bus what do I do next I miss a stop I was planning to get off on next stop next town over bus only comes by once an hour and that is how I ended up drinking tequila in a Walmart parking lot its noon never did make it to the mailbox one time in second grade we were taking a state standardized test that means all day no talking and filling in bubbles one kid who sat across from me who I havent heard say a word Alire this was the end of the year stands up in the middle of the test in complete silence and says in an almost shout has anyone seen Aladdin I reply the movie the kid says what movie in quite the inquisitive tone and sits back down and goes back to taking the test as if that didnt just happen everyone was shocked including the teacher no one said a word after that weirdest moment of my life I saw a black and white cat club as in a club whose members were the neighborhood black and white cats I happened to glance across the street one night and saw about five or six cats heading for a neighbors backyard I recognized all the cats none of them had the same owner there was the grumpy one owned by the old lady two houses down the one that lived on the other side of the block the probable stray etc then I looked closer and saw my new little black-and-white kitten with them what really makes this stick out to me was that it was only black and white ones none of other cats in the area and I know there were other differently colored cats in the area Im still scratching my head over what that was welcoming party gang meeting calt initiation ritual has anyone else ever seen cats do this this is my favorite story about my husband for a little bit of context my husband went to an Ivy League school hes usually a very smart dude he and I take turns picking TV shows to binge on me I want to pick law and order SVU Special Victims Unit for my next show him
but I dont know its not really my thing me what you love crime shows come on I love SVU its one of my favorite shows ever completely incredulous really Ive only seen one episode but it was really weird he eventually capitulated and we started watching SVU a few episodes in he admits that hes enjoying it and that it wasnt what he thought it would be like we watch a few seasons and finally get to an episode that starts like this paraphrasing lady I need to report a crime my daughters been raped shes pregnant detective Stabler how old is your daughter lady shes 22 Stabler well mom your daughter is an adult so she can file her own report lady why dont you come meet her at this point my husband says so this is the only episode Id seen detective Stabler approaches the womans daughter who is looking down her hair covering her face Im detective Stabler he says the girl looks up she has Down syndrome my husband pauses the episode so because this is the only episode I had seen and the show is called Special Victims Unit I about pissed myself laughing he really thought there were hundreds of episodes of Law & Order dedicated to solving crimes against the handicapped I loved him but damn went on a date with a girl off tinder and we hit it off okay no real chemistry though and figured Id never see her again next night she texts me and tells me shes at a bar near me for a birthday and that I should come through I figure why not and meet up and end up having a great time shes super chatty and theres definitely something there that wasnt there the night before after a few hours she tells me we should go back to my place why the hell not were talking the entire cab ride back and shes coherent and fine we get to my place and she opens up her door and face-plants onto the street she has somehow become blackout drunk during the 10-minute cab ride at this point she is incoherent and cant tell me where she lived so I picked her up and walked her up the block to my place up three flights and settled her in my room I dont feel okay sharing a bed with her when shes like this so I leave her some
water and put a trash can by the bed just in case and stop to leave my room and head to the couch I hear something as I get to the door and turn back in time to see her roll off my bed hit her neck on the corner of the trashcan and slam onto the floor she then starts painting the walls like a sprinkler I just want you to happen for a minute I cant do anything once she stops I pick her up and take her to the bathroom she starts round 2 as I go back to my room and start cleaning up after a few minutes I go check on her and she is passed out in my toilet at this point she is completely immobile and I cant get her up she has become 50 pounds heavier so I grabbed a pillow put her head in my lap and resolved to sleep in the bathroom with her worried my roommate might stumble upon her in the middle of the night after a few hours of rough sleep she wakes me up and tells me she needs to use a bathroom I leave and let her do her thing after about 15 minutes I get worried and go to knock on the door only to find it ajar I push it open only to be confronted with a wall of stink she has passed out on my toilet while taking the most obscene it and her head is now jammed between the toilet back and my sink somehow I managed to get her head free but she is out I cant do anything anymore I cant get her up and I cant wipe her ass for her so I leave her and go to the couch after a few hours I hear her get up and go to my bed I check in on her and she is out fully clothed in my bed and covered in puke still defeated I go back to the couch I have to work early in the morning so I go to check in on her around 7:00 a.m. only to find she has gotten her period in my bed I leave her ten dollars a t-shirt and jeans and directions to the nearest laundromat she texted me later apologizing and we went on another date and ended up sleeping together wonder what happened to her ducking like and subscribe 
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randome stories on reddit, What’s that one story you’ve always wanted to tell on r/askreddit, random stories, r/random, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, red…
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