loose associations
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Okay, so the project is reaching its next milestone. Im writing the last of the webpages to distribute it. I have no money to advertise it with. I think I can be done with all this sometime next week or early the week after, and then got to start job hunting. I think I brought up my stepmoms website. She got sick of me doing laundry over at my dads so she bought me a washer-dryer. And I applied for my first job a week ago today, last Wednesday. And I find out the next morning – I go over to my dads and he says, “Well, she wants a website in exchange for the washer-dryer and I will throw in 300 bucks. Will you do it?” And of course Id say yes cause hes done so much for me and now I brought this up. So that is uh — Im probably willing to put in as much as three weeks full-time work into that, and if I get a half-time job thats six weeks that Ill spend away from my projects, so I wanted to at least get it into that state where I could distribute it and keep track of the people who used it, graphing administrations for the test they published,
and things like that. And… Thats really about all there is to say. My drunken neighbor is acting up tonight. He doesnt like me. I think that he liked me at first when he thought I was just some degenerate schizophrenic who had nothing going for him. But as it became clear that I was a computer programmer and other things. He really began to dislike me. I hope that doesnt sound too arrogant, but I think it really bothers him. I think there are other people, too, around here who probably liked me better when they thought I was just some… Maybe Im being too cynical, I dont think so. Its like a documentary I saw on racism. This guy tells the story of his father who – their neighbor, they were on a—they lived on a farm and the man who owned the neighboring farm was black and this man had a mule, and his father did not have a mule. So one night his father killed his neighbors mule and he told his son that “if you dont have more than a nigger, what have you really got” and I think its that sort of mentality. Incidentally, thats about the only time Ill use that word is quoting somebody else. I hate
that word. I dont even like it when black people call each other that, I mean I understand that they are entitled but it still makes me uncomfortable. Im a bit of a bigot, Ill be honest, but I am very open about it is the problem! I think its more socially acceptable to hide your prejudices as opposed to saying, “all right, look, you know, I know Im a bit of a bigot and here it is.” Yeah, at least this is all there is to it. It isnt typically done that way and perhaps Ill learn better. Anyway. The joke I made very briefly was that its not that Im a bigot, its just that I have a little bit of a problem with everybody, and then I go a little bit on a bit about the mongrel races of Europe and how “if you werent Dutch you werent much” and it seemed so preposterous to me that I thought it was funny. It only took a couple of weeks before I understood that it wasnt funny at all because there were far too many people who felt that way about one race or another, that there was a superior race and everybody else was just mud people. But uh, thats the way
of the world. Its interesting. Europe was riddled with wars for millennia until it was divided into countries along ethnic lines after World War I. And the few wars that weve seen in Europe since then have been because of ethnic divisions; the Slavs and the Croats, or whomever. Its just part of human nature, I think, that we like to live with our own kind. Its one of the things that makes the U.S. so incredibly unique is the diversity. You dont see that elsewhere to the extent that you see it here. Along the same lines of thought, after World War I, the British drew up the national lines in Africa and the Middle East, and what they did when they drew these nations lines, unlike in Europe where countries were comprised of a single ethnicity. They took ethnicity, both racial and religious “ethnicities” I guess, for lack of a better way to put it. In the Middle East the Sunnis, the Kurds, and the Shia, and they packed them together in the same country as opposed to segregating them into separate countries. And as a result Africa has been fucked ever since, and nothing but civil war, bloodshed, poverty, famine. They have Great Britain to thank for it, more so than anything
reason the Middle East is any different is because of their oil wealth and its not much different. There are tyrannical monarchs. If you want a model for what the Middle East could have been like, look at nations like Kuwait and Qatar where there is only one ethnic minority because theyre so small. And I grant you, in retrospect, you can say that it wouldve been better otherwise. You have to look though, at the possibility of a politically stable, oil rich region that didnt get along with us on ideological terms and how that could have posed a threat. But… politically stable and economically prosperous countries tend not to start wars. Tend not to. Germany was rising out of a horrible depression. In the cases of—I heard a German Jew, survivor of the Holocaust, or at least of one of the ghettos, say that he remembered being a child and listening to Hitler give a speech on the radio. Then at one point he asked the crowd, what do you want, guns or butter? And the crowd started chanting guns, guns, guns. And he said, “For the first time in my life I saw my father afraid.” And loose association denied them apparently. . Loose association like tonight. Ill go ahead and shut up.
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